Do you ever ask yourself, 

"After all this years, is it hard?"

Give yourself a bit of time to think and hold that thoughts.
The feelings and the memories. 
When you figure it out, you might disbelieve and want to run from it.
Some, will hold onto that as they just have something to blame for what happened. 

It's true, have a bad memories, will only bring you back to nothing and some will hate it.

The only answer I have at the moment, just, nothing is everything.
It's the beginning and it might be the ending of everything.
It might be the question or the answer that you never thought. 

The only things you need to do is be true to yourself. 

We do have habits to lie to ourselves. We feel embarrassed to feel that way. It's weird, but yes, to admit on something we hate and shame of, the only one who can do it, is the one who have peace in them. 

When we keep lying to ourselves, sometimes it show in our behavior unconsciously.
It affect the way we think, so it gave an impact to our behavior.

That's why, we need to stop say something that is not true to our own self.