Assalamualaikum / Hello.

Today I'm in pain, unexpectedly, as I woke up full of energy. I'm handling the pain and staying sane at the same time while working. It happened after taking those medicines. I'm in a haze most of the time, constantly saying 'I can understand this' and forcing my brain to keep working through all the tasks.

On my way back to my place, the pain was so awful, I cried to the point I kept repeating,
"If you can handle those drives while you cannot stand up, you're pretty sure you can handle this one too. Unless you drop dead, then, nothing you can do."

I stayed in my car for almost 30-40 minutes to ease the pain. I constantly brainwash my brain so I can keep moving.  

At that time, I do wish I had someone next to me, holding my hand. I'm not dying (obviously), even though that person would not feel the pain, it does help to lessen it. 

I just remembered a video I watched on YouTube, the hardest time for her was when she fell sick. 

I do like being alone, but at some point in your life, you want to have someone that always with you. Someone you can call yours, as they agreed to it. I think one of the greatest things people can do is give their heart to strangers. Truly pure love in a good way, which some people said healthy relationship.  

I never thought of this previously. I didn't really like the idea of marriage until this year. As I have grown older, I do understand why people choose to get married. Most of the time, I do my things alone. Never have trouble doing it. As clumsy as I get, I always get things done that need to be done. Even though it seems forever, I never failed to tick those tasks. 

But nowadays, I’ve learned to ask and also to accept people’s responses. I’m not very good at it yet, and the feeling isn’t always pleasant, even if the outcome benefits me in the end. I’m learning how to be petty, to feel petty, and to be okay with it. My end response also was not that good either as still learning on this too. I might do badly and try to learn from it. 

The most grateful things I feel today, despite the pain, I don't feel horrible. I actually feel quite good. I feel like it's the right thing to be at this moment. Feel like it should have happened now rather than late. 

Usually,  whenever I'm sick, no words can explain those bad feelings. I try to make it funny, etc. But most of it, just anger and frustration while making sure I'm in good condition. 

So, yeah, as life gets older, the experience teaches you in a different way of feeling and thoughts. It can only happen when we allow our minds to wander and truly understand...

Note: Note: I actually feel like my entire left leg is swollen and hardened.